


Icy Fire

by AnnaLiz_Holmes



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Chronic Pain, Depression, F/F, Injury, Panic Attacks, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-04-16 12:03:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14164434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaLiz_Holmes/pseuds/AnnaLiz_Holmes
Summary: Ava sustains a minor injury when dealing with an anachronism, and Gideon is down for maintenance. It's only a small injury, she's had thousands more like it, how difficult to manage could it be...?Edited to make it easier to read, smaller paragraphs and better spacing!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'd just like to say a huge thank you to Witchgirl1234 for helping me through the process of planning/starting to write this fic! I would have had a much harder time of it, if I even did it at all, without you!

Ava cradled her hand to her chest, grumbling with frustration as she, Sara and Ray made their way back to the Waverider, grateful that another anachronism had been successfully managed. The mission had only been a Level 3 and shockingly the Legends had actually kept it at that level throughout their involvement, but a minor scuffle when trying to deal with the misplaced soldier had Ava knocked sideways, hitting the ground hard with a flat hand. 

 

The pain had been instant, but she had experienced far more significant injuries while out in the field. This would be just another reason for her to get some extra time with Sara… She smiled at the idea, her girlfriend was ridiculously protective of her and had placed a gentle kiss on the affected area as soon as she realised she was injured, promising her strong alcohol and cuddling to make up for it. 

 

Ava didn't know how Sara managed to be both so soft and gentle and one of the most skilled fighters she'd ever seen, but the tenderness was appreciated given she's too exhausted for anything more. Sleepless nights as a result of her new promotion had her stress levels through the roof, so the opportunity to spend time with Sara and the chance of a fight had had her practically jumping through a portal onto the Waverider. There was so much stress and uncertainty in her life, she couldn't pass on the familiarity of being out in the field with her girlfriend.

 

As they made their way onto the bridge, Sara called out to Gideon asking for her to be ready to help fix Ava's injury.  
"Oh hey guys, you're back!" Zari's voice floats down the corridor towards them before she rounds the corner, meeting the team at the console.  
"So, how did it go? Did you get the soldier back to the trenches…?" She trailed off as she saw Sara's arm protectively wrapped around Ava's waist as the Director cautiously flexed her fingers, wincing in pain as she moved her thumb very slightly.  
"Are you ok? I… I didn't think there'd be any trouble so Gideon is offline for maintenance…" Zari chewed her lip worriedly as Sara glared at her, pressing a gentle kiss to her girlfriend's shoulder. Ava simply smiled reassuringly at Zari and leaned into Sara's side, checking her with her hip as she did.  
"It's ok Zari, I've had worse. This will probably be healed up fully in a few weeks, I wasn't going to bother Gideon with such a minor injury. Don't want to be getting soft!" She winked at the woman that she now tentatively called a friend. 

 

Since Sara had informed her of how it was Zari who had gotten them together in the first place, she had made a specific effort to show more of her soft side in the woman's presence. That had been slightly easier since the situation in 2313, as Zari had found her in Sara's office early one morning curled on the sofa and drinking straight from one of her best bottles of scotch, tears in her eyes and her features marred by exhaustion and distress. 

 

Ava tried as hard as possible to spend her nights on the Waverider, because the nights she spent alone in her office were always the one in which the memories of that day sprung to the forefront of her mind. That particular day had been harder than most; she was exhausted after back to back meetings with strings of infuriating individuals whose only purpose seemed to be giving her a headache. Then there had been Rip. He'd just swanned into her office as if he hadn't ruined her life and proceeded to lecture her on how she was 'critical to the mission' against Mallus, and that really he'd hidden everything for her own good. 

 

It had been too much and so the Director had simply fled to the dark comforts of the Waverider looking for a drink, closing up the portal before Rip could follow her. Of course if he'd really wanted to he could have, but she hoped she'd made her point clearly enough. Zari had been the only one awake and had heard the portal open, following the sound in case there was a problem. Ava normally opened portals straight into Sara's room when she returned so late, so to hear movement on the bridge was unusual.  
"Oh Ava…" Moving to sit beside her, Zari hadn't said any more. 

 

Ava practically fell into her arms, the tears that she had been holding in loosened by the strong alcohol that she had been drinking. They weren't particularly close, but she could tell that the totem holder cared. Underneath her sarcasm and slightly abrasive personality, she had seen a significant amount of trauma; she'd been through enough to get it even if Ava's circumstances were… unique. 

 

Once Ava had managed to stop crying and wiped her eyes, both women agreed that this specific moment would not be shared with Sara. She didn't need to know, and it would only make her worry even more. The experience had bonded the two women, and Ava felt a strong desire to ensure that Zari didn't blame herself for the slight inconvenience she was going to experience for a few days.  
"Well then…" Sara grumbled, squeezing her girlfriend's side again gently to bring her attention back to her.  
"Let's get you to bed, and get some ice on that hand…"

 

Ava was so swept up in the mountains of paperwork and endless meetings that required her attention at the Time Bureau that she didn't even notice a month passing by with only the slightest improvement in her injured hand. 

 

She was used to pain, and she had far too much to do to be stopping because of a such a small injury that should just heal right back up again. The resident doctor at the Bureau had told her she had torn some of the tissue between her thumb and forefinger and it should be healed up and back to normal in six weeks; there was nothing to stop her carrying on her normal daily life at the bureau, just a recommendation not to fight until the pain had eased.

 

Ava just carried on taking the pain medication she was given, icing the area and using a flexible support while writing, just to be on the safe side. She was, however, grateful that the seemingly never-ending list of things to do at the bureau seemed to be winding down as she managed to bring it out of the chaos caused by Rip's incarceration and Director Bennett's death. 

 

Once she had the bureau up and operating smoothly again, then she could go back to joining the occasional mission with the Legends. 

 

Despite her enthusiasm to get back out into the field, something in the back of her mind told her that there was something wrong. She'd been working so hard on fixing the bureau that she hadn't had the time to do anything other than treat her injury mindlessly. Now that she had a little more time however, she could feel that it hadn't healed the way that the doctor had suggested it would. When she thought about it, the level of pain hadn't really changed all that much from when she'd initially sustained the injury.  
"You've been working too hard, that's all…" She muttered to herself, gently rubbing her fingers over her injured hand, lightly massaging the particularly tender areas.  
"It's all in your head…"


	2. Chapter 2

Sara's movements were fluid, she moved with unbelievable grace as she danced around the training room, her batons almost seeming like extensions to her arms. Ava couldn't help but admire the way in which her girlfriend fought. She was elegant yet ferocious in her style, although there were also occasions in which that grace was abandoned and replaced with an incredible brutality. She was incredible, truly a sight to behold.

However even in the controlled setting they were in, relaxed and playing around rather than training seriously, Ava was filled with anxiety. Generally she loved her early morning training sessions with Sara, spending time with her girlfriend before going to the bureau made her happy, but her hand was hurting more and more, and she would rather be anywhere than in this room with a weapon in her hand.

She'd managed to come up with a clumsy excuse that she wanted to work on strengthening her non-dominant arm, in order to explain why she held only one baton, but deep down she knew she couldn't hide her pain from Sara forever, her girlfriend knew her too well. It didn't mean that she wasn't going to try though. Pulling herself back from her own head, Ava narrowly missed the baton that was being swung at her, jumping back and swinging at Sara.

Sara could tell something was off. She knew Ava better than she knew herself sometimes, and she could clearly see that her way of fighting had changed. It was also evident that her girlfriend wasn't totally present, and so she backed off slightly, posturing a little more than was necessary and flipping her batons. Something was eating at Ava, her attention wasn't on Sara and she appeared to be fighting mechanically while guarding her right side. She swung her baton in Ava's direction, noticing that it managed to bring her back into the moment as she jumped back and hit out at her.

"Director Sharpe? Director Sharpe…?" Gary knocked again at her office door, his trademark goofy smile replaced by a look of concern as he peered around at his boss, who seemed lost in her own world.  
"What is it Gary?" Ava sighed, looking up from her computer screen and turning to face him. She was exhausted and the anxiety niggling at the back of her mind was not conducive to dealing with her employee (and truthfully, best friend). The from he was wearing just made her even more anxious; she needed to keep her pain hidden from him lest he run straight to Sara for help.  
"I just have some paperwork I need you to sign? And I brought you dinner, you haven't left this room in hours…" He crossed the room towards her and gently placed a bag of food on the floor beside her, and the papers on her desk. He looked worried, something Ava was acutely aware of as she went to pick up her pen to sign the papers… only to drop it immediately as she picked it up, as a flash of pain shot between her thumb and forefinger.

"Agh! Shit!" Ava cursed and briefly clutched at her hand, forgetting that Gary was in the room as she squeezed her eyes shut, biting her lip.  
"Ava…?" Gary's voice was hesitant, the use of her first name making her crack open one eye to look at him. He was holding her pen in his hand and the worry on his face had only increased. Gingerly taking it from him Ava managed to sign the papers in a very light and wobbly scrawl, hissing with pain as she did so. Dropping it once again onto the desk and pressing down hard on the painful area, she did her best to glare up at Gary.  
"Tell Sara and I will hurt you in more ways than you can even imagine." Her voice came out as a low growl and she immediately felt bad, Gary was good to her, but she couldn't have Sara knowing about this new weakness. He clearly got the message as he backed quickly out of the room, only banging into the door once due to his avoiding her gaze, and disappearing into the corridor with the papers.

Ava let out a frustrated cry and deciding that she really should eat, despite the increased nausea she was experiencing, she leaned down to open the bag with her left hand. That was when she noticed the box of pain medication on top of the food with a little sticky note in Gary's distinctive handwriting. _Whatever it is, I'm here._ She didn't deserve him. Or Sara. She was a clone, and could be replaced so easily by another who was whole… As she already had been, thanks to Rip. The thought made bile rise in her throat and she dropped the food back to the floor, reaching for the bin located under her desk.

As she wretched, her mind wandered to the Waverider and how she wished Sara were here. Despite not wanting her girlfriend to know that she was struggling, Ava decided that Sara's voice reassuring her was something that she needed… She hated being sick, if only the Bureau had a Gideon…  
"Wait…" Wiping her mouth, Ava got slowly to her feet. Gideon could fix anything. She'd brought Sara back from the dead for God's sake… Before she could change her mind she opened a portal straight into the med bay of the Waverider, praying that none of the Legends were around.

"Gideon..?" The med bay was dark and quiet, more due to luck than judgement, and Ava sent a silent thanks to whoever was watching out for her.  
"Director Sharpe. The Legends are all asleep." The AI's voice was quiet, almost whispering as she settled herself down into the chair and clipped the bracelet around her wrist. Ava blessed her discretion, given that the lights in the room had not turned on as she'd come in.  
"Ok, thank you… Can you tell me what's going wrong with me?" A moment passed in complete silence, before the AI's voice once again filled the room.  
"I believe you have developed a condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, Director Sharpe." Ava frowned and looked up at the ceiling.  
"Ok… Can you fix it?" The second silence stretched on for an uncomfortably long time and tears began to prick at the back of her eyes when Gideon finally spoke again, the programmed voice almost sounding guilty.  
"I'm sorry, Ava…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In celebration of the finale tonight (I'm so nervous!!) here's the next chapter!

Ava doesn't go back to the bureau. Instead she sends Gary a message telling him not to disturb her because she's taking a half day (Gary is secretly ecstatic that she's taking a break) and slides into bed beside Sara. Her mind was in turmoil, and a few tears slip down her cheeks as she buried her head in Sara's shoulder. She stirs at the wet droplets on her skin and wraps her arm around Ava's waist, pulling her closer with one arm and rubbing her eyes tiredly.

"Hey you…" Sara whispered, her voice thick with sleep. She nuzzled closer to Ava, pressing soft kisses all across her face while gently wiping away her tears.

"Shhhh it's ok, what's the matter..?" Her concern radiated from her in waves and Ava let herself cry freely, just for a moment. Sara was so warm and so loving, she truly didn't deserve this woman. She may have been able to overlook her being a clone, but how could she possibly want to be with a defective clone?

"I'm just tired." She sighed, scrubbing at her eyes and leaning more into Sara's embrace. She didn't deserve her comfort, but right now she'd take what she could get. Sara's presence made her feel safe.

"I…" Sara seemed to change her mind and instead turned Ava so that she could curl her smaller body around her protectively, rubbing her hand up her arm lightly.  
"I love you, Av… Go to sleep…" She kissed the back of her neck gently and rested her head against Ava's back, her breath evening out as she once again fell asleep.

The pair were awoken by a loud hammering on the door, and Mick and Zari's voices shouting through.

 

"SARA! We need you!"

"Stop banging your girlfriend and get up!"

"MICK!" Sara moaned and rubbed her eyes, sitting up in bed and looking down at Ava. Ava turned her body without sitting up and pressed her forehead against Sara's hip, her eyes red rimmed from where she'd cried herself to sleep in Sara's arms. She was debating just pulling her back down and snuggling closer again so that they didn't have to face the real world.

"Come on Av, we'd better go deal with the children…" Sara sighed, running a hand gently through her hair and scratching her nails against her scalp before gently pulling her up into a seated position.

"Let's go see what we're dealing with this time…"

 

Of course Nelson would get stranded in the middle of a convoy transporting food and supplies to Britain during the Second World War. Of course he would have taken charge of the ship. Of course they weren't able to get him out and back to his time without trouble. So that was how Sara found herself fighting back to back with Ava against a crew of angry World War Two sailors.

"Just another Tuesday!" Sara shouted as she smacked one of them hard with a baton, knocking him out and jumping over his body as he landed on the deck with a thump in order to take out another that was about to take a swing at Ava from behind. The other woman turned gracefully, fighting with a look of fierce determination in her eyes. Sara had only a millisecond to be proud of her girlfriend before turning back to the fight. However, all of a sudden, she felt a sharp pain in the back of her head and vaguely registered the feeling of falling before the world went black.

 

Sara awoke in the med bay with a throbbing headache and became distantly aware of a sniffling sound beside her. Cautiously squinting one eye open she looked to see Ava, who clearly hadn't cleaned herself up since the fight, biting hard at her lip and rubbing her eyes.

"You look like shit, Av…" Sara's teasing came out as a croak, and only served to make Ava burst into a fresh round of tears. She clutched onto Sara's hand, her whole body shaking with her sobs, and leaned down to bury her head in Sara's shoulder.

"I'm so sorry Sara, I'm so sorry."

"Hey… Hey I'm ok, just a little bump…" Sara sat up slowly, manoeuvring herself so that she can pull Ava into her lap despite the shot of pain that went through her skull.

"Baby what's got you so upset…? This is a normal day for us" She cooed softly, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear and kissing her temple lightly. Ava nuzzled into her neck as her sobs quietened to soft hiccups and she relaxed into her girlfriend's chest.

"It's all my fault…" She whispered as she raised her head again, pressing a gentle kiss to Sara's bare neck. Her eyes were haunted and she toyed with Sara's fingers with her left hand, wincing as Sara's arm brushed over her right hand.

"I should have protected you, but I…" She trailed off, searching for the right words.

"Av, baby, you're scaring me…" Sara leaned back, taking Ava's face in her hands and peppering gentle kisses across her face.

"What's your fault? This happens all the time…"

"You went and fell for the broken clone." Ava laughed as another sob bubbled up in her throat, and she shook her head hard. Her chest felt like someone had hollowed it out, and the utter confusion on Sara's face was almost unbearable.

"I dropped my baton because my hand… My hand doesn't work properly Sara. Gideon said she can' fix it and I don't know what to do! I couldn't protect you when you needed me and it's all my fault you're hurt! I understand if you want to go to 2213 and just get another…" The words came out in a rush, choking her, and a fresh wave of tears began to fall. There were serious concerns about hydration levels should she cry anymore, not that it mattered. She was broken. She couldn't even stop her own girlfriend from getting hurt, what kind of.. thing.. did that make her? She wouldn't even entertain the word person now, now when she was about to be discarded.

"Ava how could you think that?! You are my one and only, and I love you." Sara kissed the tip of her nose gently, smiling at her reassuringly before nuzzling against her cheek. Physical affection she could do, even if she wasn't always all that great at expressing her emotions verbally.

"I love you for your beautiful, brilliant mind and your heart and… God Ava, do you know how hard it was for me to admit I was falling for you? I couldn't believe that anyone so beautiful and so good could ever want me. You saved me, Ava." Cuddling her closer, Sara was heartbroken to still see the level of disbelief in her girlfriend's eyes; the very idea that she would abandon her because she was hurt seeming ridiculous to her.

"This is why you were crying earlier, isn't it? You knew…" She looked down at Ava's right hand, where it was sat on Ava's thigh, noticing for the first time just how angry and swollen it looked, and how her girlfriend winced as she accidentally caused her to move it.

 

"Gideon you'd better fix this!" Still holding Ava comfortingly in her lap, Sara's heartbreak took the form of anger, flowing into a stream of impressive curses aimed at the Waverider's AI.

"Captain Lance, Director Sharpe… I'm sorry, I am unable to cure the Director's pain." The voice was once again quiet and regretful, the tone Ava had heard only hours earlier.

"What do you mean Gideon?! You brought me back to life!" Sara was crying now too, tears rolling down her cheeks as she clung to Ava like she was going to disappear. It was a small comfort to the taller woman, who had resorted to playing with the ends of Sara's ponytail in a weak attempt at self-soothing. It wasn't working, and hearing her girlfriend getting upset was only increasing her feelings of hopelessness.

"The Director has developed a condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome, Captain. I am unable to find a direct cause for the condition, and therefore am unable to fix it. According to reports the condition is caused by some form of damage to the central and peripheral nervous systems, although there is no specific understanding as to where or how. I have run full body scans, and done everything possible, but I am afraid I cannot reverse damage for which I cannot find a source. For example, when your neck was broken…" Ava gasped at this and moved her good hand down to gently stroke across Sara's neck, her fingers moving delicately across the soft skin. She was the only thing anchoring her right now.

"When your neck was broken, there was obvious damage for me to repair. Here… I am afraid there is nothing even I can do." Sara nodded slowly, as if in understanding, although Gideon could not see her response. She then wiped away her tears before gently taking Ava's face in her hands and kissing her tenderly on the forehead before resting their heads together.

"We're going to do this together, ok?" Her voice came out as a whisper, her brilliant blue eyes staring deep into Ava's own as her hand came up to caress her cheeks.

"You don't have to go through this alone."


	4. Chapter 4

Ava remains on the Waverider again that night, unable to sleep for the dangerous thoughts that plagued her, along with the gnawing pain from wrist to fingertips. However, Sara’s sleeping presence was a great comfort to her; watching the Captain’s chest rising and falling in sleep was soothing. Ava was almost lulled into sleep when she noticed the change in Sara’s breathing. It was beginning to come more sharply, her head tossing on the pillow and her whole body writing under the sheets.

“Sara…” She whispered softly, rolling onto her side and watching the blonde’s efforts become more furious as she evidently fell deeper into the nightmare.  
“Ollie!!” Sara’s shout ripped from her throat, her hands coming to her throat and clutching at it as if trying to breathe.

“Shhh Sara, it’s ok, you’re safe….” Ava instinctively reached out and placed her hand over her girlfriend’s heart, hissing at the pain that the contact caused her. The pain was only magnified as Sara’s eyes shot open and she grabbed at her hand, holding on to her desperately.

 

“Ava?!” Sara’s panic began to ease when she registered her presence, whispering calming nonsense into her ear as Ava tried to ignore the stabbing through her hand that Sara’s touch was causing.

“Hey, I’m here baby, it’s ok…. Did you have a nightmare..?” Her voice was soothing, awkwardly moving her other hand to play with the ends of Sara’s soft blonde hair. She felt tears run onto her fingers as Sara turned her head into the touch, so with gentle kisses she wiped them away, just as Sara had done for her. 

“B..boats.” She managed to whisper, shifting her body to lay her face against Ava’s chest, releasing her grip on her hand. Ava hadn’t even thought of the impact of the anachronism on the fearless woman at the time, but reflecting on the events she noted that Sara had been acting unusually. She had been reluctant to take on the anachronism at first, her eyes widening with panic as Gideon had explained the situation. 

“You’re so brave baby… I’m so sorry, we didn’t think.” Ava continued kissing over her face, moving as close to her as she could possibly be. Insensitive jerk, just one more thing to add to the list…! 

“I’m so proud of you, Sara…”

 

Sara sat up at the sound of muffled cursing, rubbing at her eyes sleepily. They had eventually managed to fall asleep tangled in each other’s arms, but she was still exhausted from fighting the nightmare that she thought she had left behind so many years ago. The room was in darkness, and Ava’s voice was becoming louder and more frustrated, a choice string of curses that impressed even her. It seemed that Ava had found the small corner of her room that was bent around some of Gideon’s pipework, effectively blocking her from Sara’s sight.

“Av…?” She stood up and moved towards the corner, greeted by the sight of her girlfriend fiercely struggling with the buttons of her dress shirt.

“Hey…” Ava looked up at her, her pain and frustration written all over her face. She stopped trying to do up the buttons and let her shoulders drop, releasing a tearful sigh. Crossing the space between them, Sara gently moved Ava’s trembling hands away and did up the buttons on her shirt, before pressing a gentle kiss to her temple.

“My smart early morning girl…” She gave Ava a small smile and nuzzled against her cheek gently before jumping back into bed. It was stupidly early after all, the other Legends wouldn’t be awake for hours. Ava didn’t appreciate being interrupted in her routine, she knew that, so going back to sleep was probably the best option for both of them. However something niggled at her, the image of her girlfriend struggling repeating over in her mind. Then she realised.

“Shit…” Her hand went to her own heart as tears suddenly welled in her eyes. This was her fault. She’d grabbed at her without thinking last night and now Ava was having to go to work in pain. How would she manage? In that moment, as she heard a portal open and close, Sara’s panicked brain did the only thing she could think of. She called for help.

 

“Good morning Director…. Oh. Are you ok?” Ava glared at Gary from behind her dark sunglasses before sighing and running her left hand through her loose hair. It was not a look she normally wore at the office, but today a bun would have just been too much hassle.

“I’m fine Gary. No meetings today, just paperwork, so I thought I’d let my hair down.” She laughed humourlessly, before brushing past the well meaning man and shutting the door to her office. Sitting back at his desk, Gary noticed an incoming call from the Waverider. Surely it was too early for them to have already screwed up? Hunching over his computer as if he were a naughty schoolboy, he accepted the call.

“Gary, thank god!” The first thing he noticed about Sara was that she had clearly only woken recently, her hair a mess and still wearing a ratty looking shirt. His concern immediately shifted to confusion. Why was she calling him from her quarters at this hour?  
“Listen to me, without asking any questions, I need you to watch out for Ava for me today. Look after her.” She was sniffling a little and her eyes looked slightly red. She tipped her head slightly, looking him up and down.

“Are you listening to me Gary?!”

“Yes, yes, look after Director Sharpe… But…” He was cut off as Sara ended the call abruptly, leaving him confused. His confusion suddenly increased at the sound of “Not One Of Us” from The Lion King II could be heard blasting from within the Director’s office.  
“Huh, I never had her down as a Disney person…”

 

An hour and a half later, the repetition of “Not One Of Us” and “Reflection” from Mulan blasting from the Director’s office led to Gary cautiously knocking on her office door. Given that Ava had turned the glass of her office opaque for the first time in a long time, he figured that he should probably check in on her. Incurring the wrath of Sara Lance was not how he wanted to start his day.

“Director Sharpe…?” He cautiously peered around the door, finding Ava sat hunched over her computer with her sunglasses still in place. _Strange, given her usually perfect posture._

“Dir…”

“Get out Gary, I’m working.” She growled at him without moving, and he decided to do as he was told, shutting the door quietly behind him. He sighed, running a hand over him face, at the realisation that this was going to be a hard day. He was too scared of the Waverider’s Captain to not look after Ava however, so one way or another he was going to keep an eye on his boss. 

 

His second attempt at checking on her went very much the same as the first, with her snarling at him, “Get out of my office and leave me alone!” Her lip had curled back, her whole body tensing in her chair. He jumped backwards rapidly, convinced that a projectile of some kind would be making its way towards him. Gary decided it was time to change how he went about approaching her. Plotting the coordinates into his time courier, he stepped through before he could change his mind.


	5. Chapter 5

Ava had managed a grand total of ten words of her report in the three hours that she’d been at work, and she hated it. She hated that Gary kept checking in on her and that her favourite songs hurt for a whole different reason now than they had when she was a teenager… But then she realised that she never had been lonely and confused teenager who took solace in Disney movies, with that comfort extending into her adult years. _Did the other Avas like Disney movies? Were these even her favourite songs?_ She groaned in pain and frustration, wincing as the cold pain tore through her hand and added to the tears of pain already sliding down her cheeks. Her mind had been crippled, her ability to focus completed removed.

“Ok Ava, this isn’t working…” She muttered to herself, slowly rising from her chair and leaning hard against her desk as a wave of dizziness and nausea struck her. She crossed the office cautiously and sank down on the large plush sofa that looked out over the city; one of the benefits of floor to ceiling windows. The sofa was the one luxury she allowed herself when it came to work, having been purchased after a night too many spent sleeping in her office chair. Carefully turning herself so that she could stretch out, Ava rested her head back on the sofa’s cushioned arm and gingerly lifted her affected arm to lie it across her chest. It seemed to be one of the few positions she could lie in that wasn’t completely intolerable. Using her free hand to remove her glasses, she roughly wiped at her eyes. There was no way she could hide this from anyone, not when it left her like this.

 

Suddenly there was a thumping noise against her door that sounded almost like a knock.

“Go away Gary…” Her voice had lost its bite, she was just too exhausted and in too much pain to be angry with him. She lifted her head up at the sound of the door opening, ready to tell him to leave again, when she saw a pair of hands sticking through the door, holding…

“Gary, please tell me you didn’t go to my apartment when you should have been working?” The heavy weight that landed on her legs a moment later on confirmed this, and she gasped in surprise. The large silver grey cat walked up the length of her torso and settled herself across Ava’s affected arm, making a happy chirping sound. Despite herself Ava whimpered as she buried her face in the animal’s long fur. The sensation of her coat hurt in areas where the touch was light, but the warmth and weight of her large body seemed to bring the icy fire that gripped her limb to a level that was almost tolerable. 

“Hello beautiful!” Her voice was hoarse from crying and she snuggled with her, bringing her left hand up to rub the cat’s ears. 

“What are you doing here?!”

“You weren’t going to let me in any other way…” Gary sounded worried, although at this point she wasn’t sure whether it was because he knew he’d invaded her privacy or because of the obvious state that she was in.

Gary crossed the room and knelt in front of her. As he got closer, he could see her shoulders trembling as she once again tried to contain her tears, not moving her face from the cat’s fur. 

 

“Ava…” He suddenly understood the dramatic message that the Captain of the Waverider had left him that morning. Whatever Sara and the Legends might think of him, he knew he was a huge dork and not a particularly skilled agent, he was grateful that she had trusted him with this. Shipping Ava and Sara had been his pastime for the past four months, so he knew exactly how much the Captain loved his boss and that she wouldn’t let just anyone see her as anything less than professional. However his bond with Ava also seemed special; she kept him around when everyone else gave up on him. She fought for him when people were dismissive of his abilities, she tolerated his eccentricities, and now he would be able to help her in return.

“I didn’t know you liked Disney, these are good choices.” He smiled up at her from his crouched position, and just managed to catch the corner of her lip quirk up, dislodging a tear that rolled down her cheek. Other than that she didn’t move, although he could see her muscles tensing as he tentatively reached out and rested a hand on her left knee. 

“Reflection is objectively the better song though. Did you know that the woman who voices her was in the original Les Miserables?” 

“Lea Salonga. She’s incredible.” She lifted her head but continued to focus on the cat’s soft fur, refusing to look him in the eye as she continued.

“I don’t know if I agree though. ‘Not One Of Us’ is so powerful, he’s so isolated in the world. To be shunned by your people…” Ava shuddered involuntarily, and briefly put her hand on Gary’s before moving away again. It was a sign of thanks, he could tell, and Gary’s smile lit up his face as he adjusted his position to stand in front of her. 

“But ‘Reflection’ is powerful in its own way? She’s looking for herself outside of society’s expectations. That’s empowering.” Ava looked thoughtfully at him for a moment before nodding slightly.

“Gary can you please turn it off…” He nodded and crossed the room to her computer, taking her in with his bright eyes soft. She hated feeling so vulnerable, but it was Gary. He'd held her when she got shot and kept her distracted by singing showtunes. Although she wasn’t sure if that had really happened to this version of herself, she was still amused by it. At the time she hadn’t really appreciated the dramatic re-enactment of “A Little Fall of Rain” she’d been forced to partake in as she lay bleeding out in his lap but now she laughed at the memory. Fake memory or not, good agent or not, she was fond of him and his goofiness.

“Wait right here.” He disappeared, only to reappear seconds later with another of the packets of painkillers that he had brought her before and a bottle of water. After opening the water and removing the seals on the medication he stood back and watched as she took them without a word, managing remarkably well considering that her cat was still lying stretched across her chest. 

 

“Director Sharpe… Are you ok?” When Ava looked up from taking her meds, she realised that Gary had rolled her desk chair over and sat down. His voice had returned to its usual anxious tone and he fidgeted a little with his hands as he looked at her. Ava took a deep breath, once again focussing on her furry distraction. The cat was really helping to calm her down, even if she was still in agony.

“I’m…” 

“Don’t tell me you’re fine because you’re not.” He blurted it out in a rush, shifting his gaze to his lap and biting his lip.

“I wouldn’t have had to portal into your apartment and sort of steal your cat just to get in through the door if you were fine.” There was a beat, a heavy silence between the pair of them before he continued, shifting his earnest gaze back to her.

“I know you, Ava. This isn’t you.” It felt like a sucker punch that knocked all of the air out of her, and once again she felt her eyes filling with tears. How could she tell the people that worked for her that she was broken? How could she lead them when she couldn’t even open a water…

“Gary, why did you open the water bottle?” The change of subject seemed to startle the man, and he rubbed at his neck uncomfortably whilst shifting in his seat.

“Your hand? Firstly Artemis would probably get pretty pissed if you moved, but it looked more painful than it has anyway… I figured that I’d help.” Of course he’d noticed. He was exceptionally observant despite his other characteristics, she should have known he’d work it out.

“Gideon diagnosed me with a medical condition. Complex Regional Pain Syndrome.” Her voice wavered as she tried to contain the emotions that were surging inside her. 

“It’s incurable.” Gary blinked, tipping his head to the side like a confused puppy. His face contorted into a frown before kneeling to press a kiss to the top of her head, his hand lingering on her left shoulder. Suddenly she was back on the battle field, rolling her eyes at his dreadful singing but filling in a few lines anyway when he prompted her. 

 

She had been so angry at herself for her inability to complete the mission. So angry that she, Ava Sharpe, the best agent at the Bureau, was useless as the firefight raged on. Then Gary had showed up, battered and bruised but alive and calling for help. He sat with her on the ground, pulling her gently into his lap even when she snarled at him. Hands pressed firmly against her wound, and then he started to sing.

“Oh my god, Gary…!” He had laughed at her then as she rolled her eyes and made a face at him, but his eyes were full of concern. There was a considerable amount of blood already coating his hands. 

 

Blinking back into the room, she sighed and moved to rest her head against him for a moment before pulling back. He wasn’t giving her the sympathetic puppy eyes that she had been half expecting; rather, he had a look of determination on his face. Standing, Gary straightened his tie and glasses.

“Well that sounds… fun… I’ll start researching!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to make it clear since I'm dealing with a complex medical condition - I have a diagnosis of CRPS and am basing Ava's pain etc off of my own. The condition is super complex so it manifests differently in everyone with the condition. Personally I like warmth and pressure to help, although soft touch (like the ends of a cat's fur) can hurt like hell. Lots of people can't manage any weight at all, so having a cat lie on them would be like torture. It's not much fun for Ava at first, but it comes to help ease it. 
> 
> I don't know if anyone is interested, but I just wanted to clarify :P x


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A huge thank you to everyone who leaves me kudos and comments! I really appreciate it, especially because this fic means so much to me on a personal level! I can't tell you how much it cheers me up on a bad pain day!

Sara was panicking. She hated the fact that she had hurt Ava, despite the fact that it was unintentional, and so was spending her time researching the condition and different things that could help her. During research breaks, she’d also randomly started listing songs that made her think of Ava that she thought she might like, alongside songs that she had heard Ava singing or knew she liked through conversation. The music was soothing; it reinforced her love for her girlfriend in her own mind, helping to reduce the anxiety that continued to plague her. That was when the idea struck. I’ll make a playlist.

“Gideon..?” Sara spoke for the first time in a few hours, stretching her arms out over her head and easing out her stiff shoulder muscles. 

“Can you play these songs in order for me?”

“Certainly Captain.” Gideon began playing the first song on Sara’s list as she lay back, closing her eyes and letting the familiar notes wash over her. 

 

The familiar sound of a portal opening made Gary jump and spin around, immediately minimising the information that he had been reading about Ava’s condition. Sara stood before him looking dishevelled and anxious, her hands twisting around the memory stick that she held. 

“Oh, Captain Lance! I was going to call you, I…” He trailed off as her eyes met his and he noticed the shine of unshed tears. Still uneasy in the presence of the tiny woman, he was hesitant as he reached out and squeezed her hand briefly before offering her a reassuring smile. Sara leaned into the touch unexpectedly, biting her lip and taking a deep breath. 

“It’s been a hard morning, but she’s ok.” 

“Thanks, Gary.” Sara quietly stepped past him and tapped on the office door before slipping inside, seeing Ava laid on the sofa with her laptop. 

“Hey Av…” Sara’s voice was soft, her anxiety over her pain leading to her hovering back near the door. 

“How… What the hell?!” Sara jumped backwards in surprise, suddenly finding herself staring into the yellow-ish green eyes of the huge cat that suddenly appeared from behind the arm of the sofa where it had evidently been curled up. The animal jumped up onto the arm of the chair, hissing at her with her fluffy tail puffed out behind her. The pair remained in the same position, staring at each other, as Ava made a small whimpering sound followed by a yawn.

“Ava..?” Sara was confused by the cat’s sudden presence in her girlfriend’s office. _Where the hell had it come from? Why was it there?!_

“Artemis, stop being a bitch…” The blonde muttered sleepily, nudging at the cat’s side gently with her foot as she manoeuvred herself into a sitting position. Letting out a final growl Artemis turned and moved onto her lap, bumping her head up against Ava’s chin. 

“I’m sorry about her, she’s friendly really, she’s just grumpy because Gary catnapped her this morning.” Ava smiled affectionately as she scratched the cat’s silvery ears, pressing a kiss to the top of her soft head. 

“Oh well that would make anyone grumpy.” Sara laughed softly, crossing the room to stand in front of Ava and twiddling the memory stick slightly. 

“But seriously, were you feeling extra gay when you named her?” Ava’s blush caused Sara to laugh even more, releasing the tension that had built up in her shoulders as she studied Ava’s condition that morning. She leaned forward to brush Ava’s tousled hair from her forehead, only to feel a sharp stinging pain across her cheek.

“Ah, fuck!” Sara recoiled, her hand flying to her cheek and feeling the warmth of blood droplets against her fingers. 

“Oh my god, are you alright?! She’s never done that before, I’m so sorry!” Ava gasped, shoving Artemis off her lap and shifting forward closer to Sara. She took her face in her left hand, lightly turning her chin to see the scratches. She sounded horrified and Sara quickly put both of her hands over hers, pressing a kiss to her knuckles and nuzzling into her hand.

“I’m an assassin, I can kill a man faster than he can blink and I get bested by a cat with a name gayer than her owner…” Sara grumbled as she stood up, crossing to the desk and opening the drawer where she knew Ava kept a packet of antiseptic wipes. Ava couldn’t help but laugh at her comment, using the time that she took to wipe the scratches to settle herself more comfortably, leaving room for Sara on the sofa. 

 

Within moments of Sara sitting down, bringing Ava’s laptop back with her, she had her girlfriend’s head in her lap gently playing with her thick hair. 

“So then, now that we’ve dealt with that… Can I show you what I made you..?” She laughed nervously, twirling the memory stick before plugging it into the side of the laptop. Ava nodded from her position on Sara’s lap, smiling up at her. 

“It’s… It’s an apology for hurting you… I’m sorry Ava, I didn’t think…” Sara trailed off as Ava kissed her hand, her features falling sadly.

“It’s not your fault, Sara… Please don’t worry about it anymore? Show me what you made?” The attempt to change the subject was obvious and Sara was not going to push her any more right now, so she simply nodded.

“These are songs that remind me of us, of how much I love you…” Her voice fell to a whisper as she pressed play, and the first bars of music rang out. 

_In a place that won’t let us feel_  
_In a place where nothing seems real_  
_I have found you_  
_I have found you_

Ava’s eyes filled with tears as the song continued, blurring her vision and trickling down her cheeks. She could feel Sara’s tears landing on her hair and she held her hand tighter as they cried together. A song that seemed so appropriate given the monumental shift that had just taken place, alongside the horror and the heartbreak of Ava discovering her true nature as a clone. Now she was not even fit for purpose, she was broken, and yet this wonderful woman stayed with her and held her despite all of that. 

_In a world that’s moving too fast_  
_In a world where nothing can last_  
_I will hold you_  
_I will hold you_  


 

Sara desperately hoped that Ava would get the message that she was trying to convey. Despite the turmoil and uncertainty that their lives involved, the one thing that Sara was certain of was her feelings for Ava. She loved the beautiful blonde lying in her lap with all of her heart and the fact that she was dealing with such immeasurable pain, both physically and mentally due to the revelation about her past and the fact that her pain could not be cured, only made that love more fierce. She hated that she hadn’t been able to protect her, but now that the damage was done there was no way she was leaving her side. Even if she got torn to ribbons by her huge cat with the extremely gay name on a daily basis, and given the way that their first meeting had gone that looked like a distinct possibility.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is "Last Night of the World" from the musical Miss Saigon. I've basically taken Ava's love of musicals and put my own favourites onto her... I wrote a whole playlist of more songs will pop up in chapters to come!


	7. Chapter 7

“Is there anything I can do to help you?” Sara’s hands had been gently massaging Ava’s scalp and stroking her thick hair for a full hour before either of them spoke again, her words breaking the comfortable silence between them. Sara wasn’t sure if Ava was awake to hear her question, her eyes had drooped shut as Sara’s hands worked, her face looking completely tension free for the first time in a long time. 

“Will you type for me…?” Ava’s voice was sleepy and she didn’t open her eyes, though she reached up with her left hand and interlined her fingers with Sara’s.

“I have reports to finish by the end of the day and…”

“Sure, what fun stuff are we… Ow!” Sara lifted her hand sharply from where she’d reached down to pick up Ava’s laptop, long claw marks matching those on her cheek marring her skin. Ava opened her eyes at the exclamation, carefully sitting up and turning to sit beside Sara. 

“Artemis!!” The cat jumped up and sat on her lap, fully turning her back on Sara. Ava’s hand dropped to scratch her ears as she looked apologetically at her girlfriend.

“I’m so sorry, she’s literally never done this before…” She averted her gaze, focussing her attention firmly on the soft fur beneath her fingers.

“It’s ok if you hate her, I know you’re not really a cat person…” 

“Hey… Av, look at me baby…” Sara’s voice was soft as she lifted her chin, gently turning her face so that their eyes met. 

“The fluffball and I just got off on the wrong foot that’s all! She seems protective of you, and I respect that. Maybe I just need to sit down and let her know that I would never hurt you…” She trailed off, letting out a strangled chuckle.

“Plus, she can probably smell death… Now, let’s get to those reports.” She changed the subject quickly, not allowing Ava the chance to respond to her comment. However the way that her eyes widened in horror said enough.

 

“Director Sharpe…?” Gary hesitantly knocked on the office door, having heard Ava’s voice as she dictated her reports to Sara; the gentle hum of voices had been occasionally broken by laughter, and the sound had brought a smile to his face. She sounded content, which was considerably more than he expected after seeing her that morning.

“I’m sorry, but Agent Summer is in the med bay, their trip to the 1600s did not go to plan.” He fidgeted nervously as the light mood in the room changed noticeably, Ava’s face dropping.

“Alright, thank you Gary, I’m coming.” With a deep sigh Ava lifted herself from the sofa, carefully cradling her hand against her chest.

“Thank you baby.” She spared Sara a small smile as the other woman closed the laptop and also got to her feet.

“I wouldn’t have gotten anything done without you. I’d better deal with this… See you later?” Sara nodded, her lip quirking up into a playful smirk.

“Of course, don’t think I’ll let you get out of watching Frozen just because of an injured agent!” Ava rolled her eyes and she tilted her head down to kiss her.

“You’re insufferable!”

“That’s why you love me!” Sara winked at her and gave her another kiss before opening a portal into her quarters on the Waverider.

“Go and deal with your agent, Director Sharpe, I’ll be waiting for you!” 

 

Sara stepped through the portal into her quarters and waited for a few moments before turning around and re-opening another portal into her girlfriend’s office. It was empty aside from Artemis, who was curled up in the spot that Ava had recently vacated. Crossing the room, she sat down on the arm of the sofa furthest away from her.

“Alright… So you and I need to have a conversation.” Her voice was serious as she eyed the animal in front of her.

“I get that you want to look after her because it’s what I want too… God this is useless.” She threw up her arms in frustration as Artemis growled at her.

“I wish I could actually talk to you so you could understand, she loves you so much and I don’t want you to hate… Wait.” Slipping off the arm of the sofa, Sara opened a portal onto the ship and barrelled through, shouting for the one person who could help her with her problem.

“Amaya!! Amaya where are you?!” The woman in question popped her head out of the kitchen door at the sound of her name, her eyes wide with concern.

“Sara? What’s the matter?”

“‘Maya I need your help, please!” Amaya let herself be led by the hand back towards the portal that Sara had left opened in her quarters.

“Sara you have to tell me what’s going on, you’re worrying me…” She tugged gently on the captain’s hand to stop her, and it took everything in Sara’s power not to turn on her.

“I promise I will explain but please, we have to get in before Ava gets back.” Her tense body language relaxed slightly and she took a deep breath to try and calm herself.

“I’m sorry if I worried you, I just… I need you to help me talk to a cat.”

 

Gary had just returned to his desk after taking Ava down to the injured agent and was surprised to hear Sara’s voice inside Ava’s office, given that the Director was not present. However, he decided against going inside to check what she was doing; there was only so much he could deal with in any one day, and an angry Sara Lance was not something he could manage in any scenario. The sound of a portal opening alerted him to her departure from the office, although rather than closing he heard the slight hum of a portal that was being kept open. The sigh of relief he had been about to let out died in his throat. What is she doing? He was fond of Sara in a way, but her unpredictability scared him and without Ava he had no chance of containing a situation should one arise. The familiar sound of Sara’s voice once again reached his ears at an increasing volume; she was clearly walking towards the portal from the other side. Gary let his head fall to the desk in despair, steeling himself to go inside and find out what she was doing, when he registered another familiar voice entering the room as well as Sara’s. Amaya. What the hell…? Pushing himself up with a groan, he crept forward and nudged the office door open a fraction, cautiously peering inside. 

 

“You need me to do what?” Amaya quirked an eyebrow at her captain as they entered Ava’s office, following Sara’s gaze to where Artemis was still lying on the sofa. 

“She hates me.” Sara gestured to the scratches that she’d been left with, her voice tinged with desperation.

“Please, ‘Maya, she’s so protective of Ava and Av loves her so much… I don’t want her to hate me…” Amaya laughed softly and touched her totem, crossing the space between them and the sofa as Sara closed the portal before tentatively taking a seat back of the arm of the sofa. Artemis immediately curled up on Amaya’s lap, pressing her head up against the woman’s hand.

“Well hello there.” Amaya cooed, stroking her fingers through the cat’s soft fur before turning expectantly towards Sara.

“Can you tell her that I love Ava too? That I don’t want to hurt her. That I hate myself for not protecting her…” Sara’s voice cracked with emotion and she swallowed hard, trying to remain in control.

“It’s pretty obvious that she loves Ava, and I know how much Av loves her so I just don’t want her to hate me… We both want her to be happy.” She roughly wiped at her eyes, surprised by her own outpouring of emotion. Amaya was focussing intently, her eyes closed. Sara sat watching her in silence, nervously chewing on her bottom lip. Time itself seemed to slow as she waited and she became very aware of her heard pounding in her chest. Despite the knowledge that getting this anxious over whether or not a cat liked her was ridiculous, there was a part of Sara that knew deep down that this grumpy fluffball was the only real family that her girlfriend had. That meant that Artemis’ opinion of her mattered more than anything in that moment.

“Sara…” She was brought out of her reverie by the sensation of fur against her hand. Jumping, she looked down to see that the cat was resting her fuzzy chin against her, staring up with wide yellowy green eyes. When Sara met her gaze she began to make a rapid string of soft chirping sounds, pressing the weight of her large body against Sara’s leg. Amaya was watching the interaction with soft eyes, smiling encouragingly when Sara hesitantly stroked her head.

“She doesn’t hate you, Sara. She just got scared because Ava is in pain…”

“Oh…” Sara’s response was quiet as she continued to stroke her, becoming more confident in her movements as she did. She carefully slid onto the seat of the sofa next to Amaya only for the cat to immediately climb into her lap, still chirping, and rest both front paws on her chest in order to rub her head up under Sara’s chin.

 

Ava rubbed her left hand over her face exhaustedly as she reached the door to her office, nudging it open with her shoulder as she did so. Her right hand was burning with pain and her main thought revolved getting some painkillers to help take the edge off. Walking the halls of the Bureau she had had to put on her best poker face, removing her arm from across her chest where it felt as close to comfortable as possible, but now she was safe and could allow herself to fall back into that position. She hadn’t even taken a second step over the threshold when she noticed that Sara was curled on the sofa, talking so softly that she couldn’t hear what her girlfriend was saying or figure who she was talking to... Until she registered the familiar grey lump that was lying in her lap, purring loudly enough that she could hear the faint rumbles where she stood.

“Gary..!” Ava hissed, turning to face the desk outside of her office. 

“I’m going to need you to pinch me. Am I dreaming?!” The man smirked as he stood and crossed the space to stand beside her, peering around the door to look at where the captain of the Waverider and the cat were cuddled up together.

“What the hell happened while I was gone?!”

“You’re going to want to check your emails, Director, there’s a video file that will explain everything...” He started to laugh softly, gently touching her elbow while Ava looked between her girlfriend and pet and her agent in total confusion. Why was Gary laughing? And when the hell did the two in her office go from enemies to best friends?

“Hey you…” Deciding that she was too tired to try and figure this new, and frankly whiplash inducing information, Ava slid onto the sofa. Sara’s arm slid up, though she paused before putting it around her shoulders, only doing so when Ava nodded. Artemis stretched lazily between them, a rumbling purr vibrating against the women’s legs and, despite everything, Ava found herself feeling at peace.


	8. Chapter 8

Ava sat up at her computer in her pyjamas researching while Sara slept. They’d spent the night at her apartment, alternating between watching cheesy TV shows and talking very seriously about what they should do next. Neither of them knew the boundaries of Ava’s abilities, and therefore it was difficult for a coherent plan to be formed. However they had managed to come to the decision that she should work solely from the Bureau’s office or the Waverider until they had a better understanding. She was unimpressed by this due to her love of field work, especially since it now meant that she could spend time with Sara, but she accepted that it was the only sensible plan that they had, and that it would keep both herself, her agents and the Legends safe. Instead, they had managed to work out a plan that would allow her to continue to work from within the Bureau for the foreseeable future, completing as much of the role as she could. The areas, mainly in the field, that Ava couldn’t handle would be covered by Sara. She was strong and competent, and at least if she was working with her in that way she would have a reason to come to the office.

 

The soft buzzing of her alarm telling her it was time to get ready for work pulled her out of the trance she’d fallen into and she opened up her schedule for the day, only to fall forwards and rest her head against the table, groaning in frustration. Her day was rammed with back to back meetings dotted all throughout the Bureau, and she made a mental note to have Gary shot. With a last deep sigh she lifted her head and drained the mug of coffee that had long since gone cold, wincing in pain at the weight of the heavy ceramic mug. _Something else to adapt to…_ But there would be time for that later. Getting up slowly and stretching she made her way into the bathroom and slid into the shower, closing her eyes as the hot water hit her skin. Water droplets rolled down her swollen fingers, the warmth reducing the burning pain to a dull ache. Lifting her hand she watched the water run over it as she slowly moved her fingers, embracing the momentary relief from the fire that encompassed her limb. A moment later she snapped back into the present; turning off shower she went about finishing her morning routine, noticing that it was a little easier to do up the buttons on her blouse than it had been the previous day.

 

Six hours and 5 meetings later, Ava was exhausted. She had registered that the room temperatures had impacted her pain levels by the time she entered the third office, and now even the air around her limb hurt. She’s walked miles around the Bureau just to be met with the same nonsence and excuses as normal; she didn’t quite understand how the Bureau had run for so long with such incompetent staff. The pain medication Gary had gotten her wasn’t even taking the edge off, and it was making her more noticeably stressed and irritated in every passing moment. Her head was spinning and she knew exactly who she needed. Taking a deep breath and checking her schedule to double check she had no more meetings for the day, Ava portalled onto the Waverider.

 

As soon as the portal closed behind her, Ava released a breath she didn’t even know she’d been holding. Here on the ship no agents would try and suck up to her, no meetings with the awful middle aged men who headed up the different factions of the Bureau to make her life hell. Taking a deep breath to steady herself, Ava began to follow the sound of the Legends’ voices towards the bridge. However she had been so focussed on trying to steady herself that she did not hear the sound of footsteps coming closer, and so she was not able to get out of the way when Ray rounded the corner. 

“Oh! Ava!” The big man was surprisingly agile, he managed to prevent a full on collision but his arm bumped her hand, sending shockwaves of pain up Ava’s arm.

The wail that echoed through the Waverider had all of the Legends dropping what they were doing and running. Zari was the first to round the corner, only to see Ava in hysterical tears and Ray stood back with this hands in the air looking utterly terrified. Sara appeared from her office next, the fear on her face morphing into an expression of shock, confusion and heartbreak at the sight ahead of her girlfriend crumbling in front of her. 

“Ava…? Baby, hey…” Sara stepped towards her and lifted her hands to hold her only for Ava to jerk away from her, flattening herself against the wall of the ship. Her heart broke at the action, but rather than pushing her girlfriend she held her hands out in a placating gesture.

“Av, what is it..? What happened…?” The questions prompted a fresh wave of tears, Ava’s body tensing up as the movement made her arm shift. Noticing the change Sara’s confusion lifted slightly and she changed her body position, angling herself so that her body was to Ava’s left side.

“Baby I’m going to come closer, ok?” When the taller woman didn’t respond she slowly moved closer, judging whether her girlfriend was accepting her into her space before she gently took her face into her hands, wiping away hot tears with her thumbs. 

“Shhh I’m here… I’m here…” Ava slowly leaned forward and rested her forehead against Sara’s biting her lip against the fresh wave of nausea that the pain of movement caused. Everything around her looked grey and sounds seemed far too far away; the only anchor that she had was Sara and the sensation of her hands on her face. They remained in that position for a few moments, before Sara leaned back and brushed her fingers across her cheek.

“Come on love, let’s go to my room yeah…?” Her voice was soft, gently coaxing Ava away from the wall and manouvering her slowly down the corridor. Looking back over her shoulder Sara glared in Ray’s direction, her eyes narrowing. 

“No disturbances, do you understand me.”

 

“Alright… Shh let’s just sit down here shall we…” Sara gently guided Ava down onto the edge of her bed and pressed a soft kiss to the tip of her nose as she knelt before her. Ava’s eyes were glassy and trained on the floor, her jaw tight as she ground her teeth in pain. 

“Ava, what do you need?” She paused, hoping that the direct question would get her some sort of response from her girlfriend, but she remained unresponsive.

“Ok… So I’m just going to talk to you about the research I did yesterday then, I learned that apparently heat helps?” Sara crossed the room and picked up a slightly ratty stuffed cat from on top of her chest of drawers, before kneeling down and presenting it to Ava.

"This little guy is Cheerio... I got him after I broke my ankle when I was eleven and it really hurt after I got my cast off... Maybe he can help." She smiled and waved the cat's paw at her girlfriend before standing up.

"I'll just ask Gideon to heat him up and we can see... I’ll be right back, ok baby?" 

 

“Ok… Ava? I'm here, lie down baby.” Sara sat down on the edge of the bed as Ava slowly shifted back against the pillows, letting out a tiny whimper of pain. Frowning sadly, Sara took the heat pack and hovered it over Ava’s injured hand. When she didn’t move away, Sara placed it on top of her hand and placed the soft blanket over the top of it, slowly and carefully wrapping it around her arm.

“There we go. Is that ok?” Sara smiled softly as she sat down on the bed, shuffling backwards so she was leaning back beside her and taking her left hand in hers. Ava’s lips twitched up into a tiny smile, but quickly fell back into a neutral expression as she let out a quiet sigh, a stray tear rolling down her cheek. 

“Oh Ava… I’m here baby…” She kept her voice purposefully light, squeezing Ava’s hand gently and pressing a chaste kiss to her lips, although the anxiety that she had felt since hearing Ava’s scream was still coursing through her system. She had never been so grateful for her ability to remain calm in a crisis.

“I’m not going anywhere.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say a massive thank you to Witchgirl1234 for her continued help and support with this fic! I couldn't do it without you!

It took almost five hours, strong pain medication and heat provided by Cheerio for Ava to begin to pull out of the silent stillness she had remained in since being settled onto Sara’s bed. The Captain had only left her side to warm up the heat pack, and had otherwise remained still and quiet beside her. However she did occasionally break the silence to tell her about bits of research that she had read or about some ridiculous story about missions with the Legends. It took a further two hours and some coaxing from her girlfriend to get Sara to move, and when she did it was to call a team meeting. Voices floated down the halls of the Waverider towards her as she walked towards her office, where Gideon had informed the other Legends that they were to meet her. The tension was palpable even from a distance and as she got closer Sara could hear Ray’s voice over the others, higher pitched and faster than usual, a sure sign that he was close to a full blown meltdown.

“Legends.” She rounded the corner, her greeting sounding strained and exhausted even to her own ears.

“Sara, I…” Ray scrambled to his feet from where he had been sat on the floor, the fact that his hair was rumpled looking suggesting that one of the others had been trying to calm him by running their fingers through it. She held up her hand, silencing him, and she could see his anxiety spike again just from the gesture. 

“Look, you all know that something is going on with Ava, that much is clear after what happened earlier.” Wearily she sank into her chair and put her head in her hands, taking a deep breath before she lifted it back up to face them.

“Ava has developed a condition called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome. You might remember she was hurt dealing with the displaced World War One solider a few weeks ago. It was caused by that injury, and now she is in a lot of pain all the time. She’s had a really hard day and her pain was high anyway. One of the symptoms of the condition leads to intense pain from things that normally wouldn’t cause pain, which is why you bumping into her lead to the reaction it did, Ray…” She trailed off, willing herself not to cry over the unfairness of the whole situation. Ava deserved so much better than this.

“She’s coming around now, Gideon gave her some pretty strong pain meds to take the edge off, and she told me to tell you all what is going on.” She ran a hand over her face again, suddenly hit with a feeling of nausea. _The Legends know. This is real._ There was a stunned silence for a moment where no one spoke for fear of saying the wrong thing. Ray disappeared from the office but no one had the heart to stop him and Sara wasn’t going to call him back.

“We’ve never seen Ava like that before. It was…” Zari’s voice was small and a small part of Sara selfishly hoped that she wasn’t blaming herself for the situation, as she didn’t have the energy to comfort two of her teammates tonight. 

“I know… It’s hard to see.” She nodded her head in agreement, lying back in her chair. Her whole body suddenly felt as though it were made of lead, and all she wanted to do was cry herself to sleep.

“But all we can do now is be there for her… Nothing changes unless she explicitly asks for it to ok? Just please be careful around her right arm.” She waved her hand to dismiss them, closing her eyes for a moment as the exhaustion and anxiety maintained its grip on her, and listening to the sounds of footsteps growing fainter as the team left. However she could feel that there was still another presence in the room, and given the context she could make a good guess as to who it was.

“I’m ok ‘Maya… Just tired…” She sighed and reopened her eyes, seeing the concern written over her friend’s face. Amaya was her confidante, the main person other than Ava that she turned to when she needed support, but she couldn’t let herself break today… Amaya clearly sensed that she wasn’t in the mood to talk because she backed down quickly.

“Sara, you need someone to look after you too. I’ll be here when you’re ready, ok?” She nodded in agreement, closing her eyes again as the other woman left the room and left her alone. In that moment she wanted nothing more than to cry over the unfairness of the whole situation, but rationally she knew that wouldn’t help herself or Ava. Instead, she dragged herself from her chair and opened a portal before stepping through.

 

Ava’s eyes opened slowly as she heard a gentle tap on the door. Her pain levels had reduced significantly, but the movement as she sat up had her biting her lip against the fresh wave of pain-induced nausea.

“Director Sharpe, Doctor Palmer is here to see you.” Gideon’s voice sounded almost at a whisper, and Ava nodded to herself. Deciding that the big man had already seen her looking weak she eased herself back to recline against the pillows, Sara’s soft blanket still wrapped around her hand.

“Ok Gideon, please let him in.” Ray came into the room, his head bowed and an anxious expression on his face. 

“Ava. Heeeyyyy…” He awkwardly held out his hand to show her the cupcake he had brought with him. 

“I… I brought you an apology cupcake..?” Her lips quirked up a little as he hesitantly stepped towards her, placing the cupcake down on the bed. 

“I’m sorry I hurt you, I didn’t know…” He trailed off for a moment, shuffling his feet, before Ava touched the bed beside her.

“Ray, please sit down. You’re making me nervous.” Her voice was husky from sleep, and as he perched himself on the edge of Sara’s bed he caught her masking a yawn. He had never seen Ava like this. The woman who normally looked so formidable had morphed into someone who seemed much smaller and more vulnerable, her facial expression soft as she looked up at him from her position lying against the pillows.

“Why are you here, Dr Palmer.” Deciding to stay lying down, Ava felt awkward and vulnerable around the man. He knew about 2213, he knew Sara could just go and get a ‘whole’ Ava whenever she wanted. _He could tell her she deserves better than a broken clone, and he’d be right…_ She blinked rapidly to squash down the tears that were welling in her eyes and looked down at Ray’s hands; he was holding several sheets of paper that she hadn’t noticed when he came in.

“Well, actually I brought some blueprints to show you?” Ray carefully placed the paper on the bed beside him before holding up one of the sheets so that she could see it.

“I made some prototypes for braces that could help you with your pain, based on the limited information that Sara gave us? I mean… I didn’t know if you wanted to try anything like that, but I felt so bad and I got some ideas..?”

 

Sara sat on the floor in the middle of Ava’s apartment with Artemis in her arms, sobbing into the cat’s soft fur over the unfairness of the situation. Their relationship had only just made it over two major difficulties, and now here they were faced with the prospect of Ava being permanently disabled. Her heart had broken seeing Ava shut down like she had, the idea of her being in pain was just too much to bear, but there was nothing she could do. All she could do was sit back and look on, helpless, as her girlfriend grappled with an invisible demon. _Just like with Daddy and Laurel…It should be me, Ava can do good in the world, what the hell can I offer… It’s what I deserve._ Sara hiccupped, rubbing her cheek against Artemis’ head, cuddling the animal closer into her. She let out a heavy, tearful sigh as she started to calm down, the rhythmic rumble of the cat’s purr having helped more than she would have thought possible before.

“I can see you judging me for breaking in you fluffy little demon… I wish you could understand.” She muttered and stretched slowly as Artemis wriggled out of her arms, already missing the comforting weight on her lap.

“How would you like to come onto the Waverider, huh? You could snuggle your mom whenever, terrorise the others… Ray got chased by a rat once, Mick called him Axl, so imagine the fun you could have with that…” Her lips quirked up at the idea and she reached out her hand to ruffle her fur.

“I love you and your mom enough to give you an official invite onboard… You’re the first person I told other than her, you know that?” Artemis turned and walked across Sara’s lap, butting her head up against her chin. 

“Yeah yeah, I love you too shithead.” Sara laughed and placed her back on the carpet beside her, before she hauled herself to her feet and padded towards Ava’s bathroom.

“But before we go, I need to look like I haven’t just broken down in the middle of Ava’s apartment…”

 

“So it will give you compression around the areas that are most painful for you, obviously these are customisable and can be changed whenever you need, by this button here… and it will give you a bit of extra stability in the joint while maintaining flexibility. Plus it will provide warmth which will help if the temperature in your environment changes…” Ray’s eyes were alight with excitement as he doodled yet another diagram in his sketch pad, something he’d run to fetch within fifteen minutes of talking to Ava.

“We’ll also build your time courier into it, so that it eliminates as much extra weight as possible, and since you said wearing it already hurts… Anything else?” Ava tilted her head thoughtfully, biting her lip.

“No I think that’s it for now, it’s still early days… We’ll have to see how everything progresses.” She reached out with her left hand, lightly placing it on Ray’s forearm. The man had moved closer to her as they talked and he seemed less nervous, although he had remained extremely careful as he moved. 

“Thank you Ray, for your help… I appreciate it.” She swallowed hard, suddenly overcome with intense emotion and once again fought to prevent tears from escaping.

“I don’t know why you’re helping me though, you know as well as I do that Sara could go back to 2213 tonight and get a whole Ava…”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is just a little bit of fluff that came to mind in order to balance out the angst!
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who leaves comments and kudos, this fic means the world to me so I'm really grateful people like it! x

Ava was asleep when Sara re-entered her quarters, Artemis in a carry case that she’d found in her apartment and food and toys in a bag. She’d talked to the cat the whole time she was packing up her stuff, questioning what she needed and whether she was doing the right thing. She gently placed the carry case on the edge of the bed and opened it, Artemis’ trills of happiness bringing a smile to her face as she set about getting her quarters ready for their extra guest. The noise and new weight of the large cat on her chest had Ava stirring, her left hand reaching out the pet the cat’s soft fur.

“Hey baby girl…” Her voice was still sleepy, her eyes still closed.

“How did you get here..?”

“I brought her.” Sara stood up from where she was filling a bowl with water and crossed to stand beside Ava, her hand coming down on top of her girlfriend’s and carefully tangling their fingers together.

“I thought she would be lonely in your apartment, and we need some way to terrorise Ray now so if we can just get him to shrink down…” Sara trailed off, all of the ways in which she could utilise the animal’s presence to deal with Ray flashing through her mind. He thought a rat was bad…

“Sara, no.” Ava sighed and opened her eyes, looking up at her girlfriend with a serious expression on her face. As fun as it would be to tease Ray a little, she wasn’t going to let Sara take things too far. _Not that I can stop her…_

“Ray has actually been really helpful today, he’s only just left.” Sara frowned a little before rounding the bed to sit beside Ava, her curiosity getting the better of her now that she had calmed down a bit.

“He came to me with prototypes for braces for my hand, to give me some extra support and help with the pain and everything. We actually had a really productive conversation, he’s in the lab working on it as we speak.” She sat up, shuffling to lean into Sara’s arms and in the process dislodging Artemis who grumbled before curling up on the pillow behind her. Sara shifted her position until Ava could lie back comfortably between her legs, enjoying the fact that the taller woman fit so comfortably against her. 

“So promise me Miss Lance, no over the top pranks on Doctor Palmer… At least until he’s finished my braces.” Her voice was serious as she turned her head to look at Sara, although she was smirking and her eyes shone with amusement. Sara couldn’t resist leaning to capture her lips in a kiss, sighing contentedly as she moved down, tracing the elegant curve of her neck with soft butterfly kisses.

“Sara…” Ava sighed even as she sank further into her arms, resting her head back against her shoulder.

“Alright, alright fiiiine, no over the top pranks on Ray. God Av you’re no fun.” She laughed as she kissed her again, resting her head against Ava’s and cuddling her close. Just the feeling of having her in her arms made it seem like everything would be alright, despite the long road that they both knew lay ahead. Ava closed her eyes again and sighed deeply, savouring the closeness that she was experiencing with the woman that she loved. It was almost enough to take her mind off the pain in her hand, a pain that had reduced to a strange throbbing and burning sensation as medication had kicked in. She was also grateful for the fact that Sara was being so careful around her right side, although she wished that she didn’t have to be. All movement on that side was slow, hovering for a moment before making contact in order to give her the opportunity to reject it. _She’s so loving and caring, she deserves better than you…_

 

Ava hummed appreciatively as Sara’s fingers moved lightly over her face and chest, doodling random patterns across her skin. As they lay tangled together against the pillows, Ava felt more like herself than she had since the revelation about her condition. The quiet intimacy of the other woman’s hands on her skin made her feel loved and whole in a way that she could not describe. Sara’s thumb traced her lower lip before she slowly turned her head to pull her into a soft kiss. 

“I love you Ava…” Sara whispered against her lips, closing her eyes as she let her hands wander up to stroke gently through her hair.

“I love everything about you… I love you.” Pausing for a moment Sara managed to move from behind her, leaving the taller blonde whimpering at the loss of body contact.

“Shhh… Shhh baby I’ve got you. If you can, turn over…” Ava immediately began to comply, wincing as she turned her body and felt a fresh spike of pain shoot through her wrist. Sara was already prepared, carefully re-wrapping her hand in the soft blanket it had been covered in. She lay down slowly, letting out a soft sight as she settled herself comfortably.

“What are you doing…?”

“Shhh just let me take care of you… and promise you’ll tell me if it’s too much…” The voice was close to her ear, and turning her head brought her face to face with her girlfriend. Her blue eyes were bright and Ava could feel herself drowning in their depths. She trusted this woman with her life.

“Hmm ok… I promise.” Immediately she felt the loss of Sara’s presence so close to her and she felt the other woman shifting around before straddling her hips.

“Sara?” The voice came out sounding much smaller than she had expected, she never needed reassurance as to what she was doing before, but now it felt like every nerve in her body was tensing with anxiety.

“Hey, it’s ok…” Her voice was soothing and Ava took a deep shuddering breath as familiar hands stroked down her back, gentle and calming kisses placed between her shoulder blades. 

“I just want you to relax, ok Av?” Sara’s fingers fell back into the comforting motions of doodling over her back and shoulders, her thumbs digging slightly into the tight muscle and eliciting soft moans of pleasure. As she worked her way up and down Ava’s back, Sara smiled to herself. A year ago she never would have imagined having this beautiful woman willingly allow her to play with her hair and draw silly patterns on her back while lying in her bed, but now here they were doing just that and she couldn’t be happier. 

“It’s ok, just tell me if you want me to stop…” She worked in silence for a little while longer, lazily tracing hearts across her shoulders and listening to Ava’s breath evening out as she relaxed even more beneath her. She appreciated the fact that she trusted her enough to see her completely vulnerable at a point where she was unable to react as she would have before. Slowly, so not to startle her, Sara placed her hands down on either side of her body and leaned forward, pressing gentle kisses from the nape of her neck down the length of her spine.

“I love you, Ava Sharpe.” Sara placed one last kiss between her shoulders before gently lying down to her left, hands automatically reaching out to play with the ends of her hair. The other woman’s body had completely relaxed and her even breathing suggesting that she had fallen asleep as Sara had lightly massaged her back. However her body shifted slightly, rolling back to spoon against the Captain’s body and letting out a sleepy and contented breath as she burrowed closer.

“I love you too…”


	11. Chapter 11

Sara woke up to the sensation of soft kisses being placed all over her face, trailing down her neck and arm as Ava lifted her hand to her mouth.

“Hmm…” Sara sighed and sleepily opened one eye, rolling towards the other woman and nuzzling into her leg as she realised that Ava was sat up in bed. Ava’s left hand dropped to the pillow, her fingers still comfortably entwined with her girlfriend’s, although Sara’s tired brain quickly picked up on the air of anxiety that was surrounding her. 

“Sara…” Her voice was soft but tinged with nervousness as she kept hold of Sara’s hand, gently rubbing her thumb over her knuckles.

“Sara wake up… I’ve been doing some…”

“God Ava what have I said about talking research in bed..?” She whined teasingly, lifting her head up and rolling onto her front so that she could rest her chin on Ava’s thigh. The grip on her hand tightened and Sara was instantly worried, noticing the way that Ava was anxiously chewing on her lip.

“Baby what is it..?”

“I just… God you’re going to think this is so dumb…” She trailed off, releasing Sara’s hand to run her fingers self-consciously through her hair. The idea of needing help was foreign to her and she was convinced that the childishness of this potential strategy would have Sara laughing herself off the bed, but there was little else out there she could find that could work for her.

“I just… There’s this idea of a traffic light system, so green for good, red for bad etc, and some people use it to inform those around them of where their pain is without having to say anything…” The words came out in a rush before she trailed off awkwardly, scratching at the back of her neck and avoiding Sara’s gaze.

“You think it’s stupid, right…?” The expected laughter didn’t come. Instead she felt Sara sit up beside her before she straddled her lap, tilting her chin to look directly into her eyes. There was no judgement there, only affection and a fleeting trace of sadness that disappeared as soon as it appeared.

“I’m sorry you thought I would laugh… I actually think it’s a great idea? It would mean we all know where we stand.” She smiled reassuringly and leaned forward to peck her on the lips.

“So let’s start now… Where are you today?” Ava thought for a moment, frowning slightly. The pain was significantly less than it had been the day before, and she wasn’t even sure if she wanted it classified as being amber, but it definitely wasn’t green either…

“Amber. It’s amber today…” She bit her lip again, this time meeting Sara’s eyes and allowing herself to be lost in them for a moment. Something about being around this remarkable woman who loved her despite everything always made her feel better.

“Ok then.” Sara smiled again as she shifted off her lap to sit beside her, re-entwining their hands. 

“It’s an amber day. Let me know what you need ok…?”

 

Ava carefully picked up the fork with her left hand and speared a piece of French toast, lifting it to her lips as Sara smiled across the table at her.

“Who knew that eating with the opposite hand would be so hard, huh?” She chewed thoughtfully, her right arm cradled lightly against her lap. The swelling wasn’t as pronounced as it had been the day before, but the colouring remained the same; a bizarre orange-purple. The limb felt cold, but she felt more able to deal with it after sleep and affirmations of love from Sara. 

“Thank you for helping me out baby…” She smiled across the counter at Sara, her cheeks flushing a slight pink as she swallowed her mouthful of food. Sara had been only too happy to help when she had floundered attempting to cut the food into more manageable chunks. She turned her head at the sound of footsteps coming towards the kitchen. Ray rounded the corner and hesitated as he spotted the two women, his eyes darting nervously between them.

“Good morning Ray!” Ava realised that her voice was overly happy, but she wanted to put the poor man out of his misery. However she had missed Sara’s body tense as he entered the room, shifting her weight from against the counter. 

“Good morning Ava, Sara…” He smiled at them both individually, biting his lip and taking a few steps towards the fabricator when he realised that Sara was not going to respond. In the second it took for him to take a step Sara had sprung forward, rounding the counter and putting herself between Ava and her team mate. Ray folded in on himself, his large frame shrinking beneath his Captain’s glare. He swerved out, leaving a healthy gap between himself and the couple as he set about getting his own breakfast ready. Sara barely relaxed as he did, continuing to stand between Ava and the rest of the room as she finished her food. Ava had an idea of what she was doing and made the decision to allow it to some extent; she couldn’t imagine how she would manage her own anxiety if their roles were reversed, however she filed it away as something to talk to her girlfriend about when they were alone.

“Good morning Ray, how are you doing?” She swallowed her last mouthful of food and carefully shifted her mug of coffee closer to her, wrapping her hands around it allowing the warmth of the liquid to warm her cold limb. 

“Oh.. Um, I’m ok Ava. How are you… Feeling?” He winced at his choice of words, and Ava felt a pang of sympathy for him. Sara’s hand came to rest on her waist, her chest pressed against her back, and she leaned back against her slightly with a hum of contentment. Ava could feel her relaxing with the contact and her own relaxed behaviour, and so she allowed the smaller woman to carefully loop her arms around her and rest her head on her shoulder.

“I’m ok Ray. Sara has been looking after me… I was telling her about the blueprints you showed me yesterday. Thank you for the cupcake by the way, it was delicious.” She smiled again reassuringly as he slowly turned, anxious eyes scanning her face. However she had seen him perk up a little as she mentioned the blueprints.

“Oh that’s ok! I’m so sorry again, I never meant to…” His voice cracked and she instinctively reached out her left hand towards him, sitting forward a little in Sara’s arms. 

“Ray, Sara and I came up with a system that would help to deal with the pain side? Do you think a traffic light system would work…?” He slowly approached, standing a small distance away as Sara tightened her arms around Ava, still guarding her right side. 

“Oh that’s a good idea! It’s simple, and you can incorporate colour into your days in such subtle ways, but everyone will still know!” His typical beaming smile crossed his features and he swerved around them to leave the kitchen with his coffee.

“Will you please come to the lab once you’re done? I managed to work up some prototype braces last night!” He exited the room, leaving them alone once more, and Sara took the opportunity to gently kiss the back of Ava’s neck.

“I love you…”

 

“Ok, so how does that feel…?” Ray smiled as Ava adjusted the brace on her wrist, turning her arm to look it over. A smile crept onto her face as she pressed a tiny button over her wrist and felt the pressure tightening around her hand. The brace was reasonably chunky and looked like an adapted store bought splint, but the fact that it had immediately provided some level of pain relief had her practically delirious.

“Ray this is great! I can feel that it’s helpful even now!” She looked up at him, seeing the relief flooding his features. Sara had stood back a little as Ava had offered her hand out to Ray for him to slide the brace on, but now she took a hesitant step forward, curious about what was happening. The pair noticed her interest and Ava turned to her, beaming, and held out her hand. The swelling and discolouration was evident in her fingers, but Ava moved them slowly as she watched, reaching out to grab Sara’s hand.

“The build of the brace and the material used provide maximum warmth and protection from external temperature while still allowing for near full mobility. I’m hoping it should help with the allodynia, which is what caused the reaction yesterday…” Ray addressed Sara, eyeing her catiously despite the fact that she was now smiling at Ava’s happiness.

“That is feeling pain from a stimulus that does not typically cause pain.” He added, noticing the Captain’s eyebrows furrowing slightly with confusion.

“The button over the wrist is build into the fabric to prevent bumped areas that could rub the skin underneath, and allows for compression levels within the glove to be adjusted for what is needed on any given day.” He took a deep breath, the words tumbled from his mouth at a rapid rate while he got more and more excited.

“This is just the first prototype; I’m looking to minimise any weight that is carried across the affected area by incorporating Ava’s Time Courier into the brace…” 

“Captain Lance, I’m sorry to disturb you, but there appears to be a situation at the brig.” Gideon’s voice had to putting her face in her hands, letting out an exaggerated sigh of despair before turning to Ava and Ray.

“Well it seems like you have the perfect opportunity to take it for a test drive, Av!”

 

Sara wasn’t sure what to expect as she met the other Legends to deal with the “situation”, but what she found hadn’t even been on her radar.

“Really, guys?” She sighed, although her voice was laced with amusement. Beside her Ava was giggling, and she slide backwards to give her a subtle jab in the ribs. 

“Nate aren’t those your pest control gloves?” The man looked away, embarrassed while Ava’s laughter turned into an undignified squeak of horror.

“If you have touched my cat with those Mr Heywood I swear there will be consequences.” 

“Y-your...” He went white, eyes widening with horror. He turned to Zari for help, but she’d turned back to the computer directly after noticing the creature occupying the Captain’s chair, so she just shrugged.

“Amaya went to visit Kuasa. Nate thought it might have some sort of time bug that could have ‘disastrous consequences’....” Ava made another horrified noise, her eyes narrowing dangerously. Nate let out a barely audible whimper.

“SHE is NOT an IT. She is a SHE and her name is Artemis.” The words were spat out through gritted teeth and Sara raised her hand to her mouth to hide the smile that was threatening to emerge. Knowing how much the cat meant to her girlfriend she wasn’t surprised by her outrage, even if there was a part of her that thought Nate had done the right thing given that there was an unidentified animal stowaway on the ship... even if the gloves were a little excessive. The pair were saved from Ava’s wrath however when Mick appeared around the corner with a toy mouse. Not seeming to register the others’ presence, he walked straight up to her and scooped her large grey body up into his arms. Nate cringed as he did, and Sara could only assume that he had received the same welcome as she had. However, to both her own and Ava’s surprise, she let out a rumbling purr and snuggled into the big man’s chest. 

“There you are, I thought you’d got lost.” Nate coughed nervously and Mick’s head snapped up from where he was looking down at her, seemingly only just noticing he wasn’t alone.

“Mick, what are you doing? How haven’t you been attacked?!” Ava snorted at the man’s choice of words, earning her a knowing raise of an eyebrow from Sara.

“She came into my bunk.” Mick grunted, shrugging. His hand betraying his hard exterior as it moved slightly over Artemis’ fur. Ray and Sara turned to look at each other, knowing how much Mick had been affected by the loss of Axl, his pet rat. _Maybe this will help more than just Ava..._


	12. Chapter 12

A month passed and Ava went about her life as normally as possible. Sara had explained the colour coding system to the Legends and she had been very careful to communicate any changes in colour to the team whenever she was onboard the Waverider. Back at the Bureau, Gary had become her greatest supporter and confidante; he had explicitly asked Ava to reduce his time in the field in order to work more closely with her. She had been only too willing to grant his request given that she was still trying to navigate making her role more accessible, so having Gary at her side had been a great help. She also used the colour system within her role; barely half an hour after she had told Gary about it she had been presented with three new lightweight aluminium mugs, one in each colour.

“This way it can be a little more subtle, only the people who need to know will know…” He had smiled nervously, fidgeting with his glasses as she looked between him and the mugs. 

“Plus they’re very light, I noticed you had trouble with your usual mug so… I thought it would be easier for you.” She swallowed hard, fighting with the overwhelming rush of affection that was threatening to spill over and leave her in tears.

“They’re amazing Gary, thank you.” She picked one up carefully, testing the weight in her hands.

“You’re right, these will be much better.”

 

Gary stepped through the portal and came to stand in front of Sara, shifting under the Captain’s intense gaze. Ava had removed herself from the field for the time being, and had made an executive decision that the individual with the authoritive role in the field should be Sara. That then meant that Gary spent a considerable amount of time liasing with the Legends when Ava was tied up with other matters. While she obviously had a number of agents that she trusted, including Agent James who she often sent out alongside her girlfriend, she trusted Sara implicitly and it made her feel more comfortable that someone with her skill was out with her agents. She then coordinated missions from the Bureau, sitting in with the tactical division and giving instructions through their comms. It was a system that seemed to work well, and it gave her some semblance of control over a part of herself that she had lost.

“How is Ava?” Gary’s presence on the Waverider also gave Sara the opportunity to talk to the man about how her girlfriend was progressing, knowing the struggles that she was still experiencing in terms of managing her condition.

“She seems to be doing well.” Gary smiled at her and she felt a small burst of warmth in her chest; as much as Gary frustrated her, there was no denying how much she appreciated his being there for Ava when she couldn’t be. She knew how strong the bond between the pair was, as Ava had told her the story of how the man saved her life.

“As you know. she’s always been extremely efficient but she seems to be getting faster and faster when it comes to paperwork… She almost seems like her old self that way.” He bit his lip and looked down, knowing that Sara would understand the familiar pain in his chest when he thought of how Ava used to be.

“We managed to deal with the temperature and fatigue too; we moved her desk up into the back corner this morning so that her arm can’t get accidentally bumped, and from next week meetings that she must attend will be held in her office as much as possible. Then she doesn’t have to move around too much and can have complete control of the temperature of the room…” Sara nodded as he explained, a small frown on her face. She knew how much it would be hurting Ava to have to make these concessions to her condition, even though she knew it was necessary in the long run. She tucked the thought to the back of her mind, deciding that she would make an effort to discuss how she was feeling later. She wasn’t the best at feelings, but she was one of the few that understood the full extent of what Ava was having to deal with.

“Thanks Gary…” She swallowed hard, nodding at him gratefully.

“I’m so glad that she has you to look out for her...”

 

Ava sighed, saving the latest report that she was working on and rubbed her hand exhaustedly over her eyes. She had been working non-stop for hours now as she was trying desperately hard to stay ahead of her work, although she could just feel the hopelessness settling over her like a thick fog within her mind. She was good at putting up a good front, at seeming happy and like she was coping with her traitorous body, despite the fact that she was in no way coping. She was in agony. Constant work was the only way to stop her mind wandering to the fact that she was damaged, that she knew sooner or later Sara would get tired of her and go back to 2213. Everyone around her would give up on her once they realised just how damaged she was, so she was doing her best to extend the time she had left with them as much as possible. Ray’s brace had been helping a huge amount, as had the adjustments that she and Gary had made to her office, but she could still feel the pain, doubt and guilt clawing at her. She glanced down at her hand, wincing at the mottled purple of her swollen fingers. Now that her focus had slipped she could feel the icy fire burning through her hand, sending shockwaves of pain through her wrist and finger joints. The angry red of the empty mug sitting on her desk seemed to be mocking her. Without thinking, she picked it up with her left hand and threw it as hard as she could across her office, bursting into tears as it clanged to the ground. 

“It shouldn’t be like this…” A fat tear rolled down her cheek and splashed onto her desk; knowing that Gary was on the Waverider and she was unlikely to get interrupted she could embrace the need to cry for all that she had lost. She was in a level of pain that she’d never felt before, even with all the wounds that she had gathered… _Was it even me that was injured…?_ She didn’t know who she was, pretty much all of her memories were fake and now her body was turning on her. She had realised earlier that day that she could barely even remember how it felt not to be in pain, and the thought was devastating. So she had done the only thing she could, put her head down and buried herself in her work. Despite all of the systems that has been put in place for her working beautifully, and Sara being beyond understanding and supportive, she couldn’t help the dark thoughts that settled over her. _Sara deserves better than a broken clone. You are nothing, you are no-one…_ There was only one person who could help her when she felt like this, when her pain and insecurities threatened to overwhelm her. You’ve done enough for today. She stood and punched the coordinates for the Waverider into the time courier now safely installed inside of her brace, wincing as the movement sent another jolt of pain through her limb. 

 

It took Ava a moment once she stepped out into Sara’s office to realise just how quiet it was, given the fact that she was still sobbing with pain.

“Gideon, where is Sara?!” Her voice was choked and she didn’t even care about how desperate she sounded at this point, she just needed Sara.

“On a mission.” A grunt behind her had her whipping around, crying out as the rapid motion made her pain levels rise to a point where she was seeing stars. Mick had been lounging on the Captain’s sofa with beer and a book, taking advantage of the quiet afforded to him given that he hadn’t gone out with the team when the portal opened. His mouth had been open, ready to snarl at her for interrupting his peace when he saw the state that Ava was in. Even with her back to him he could tell that this was not a business visit. Then she had turned at the sound of his voice, letting out a cry and suddenly swaying on her feet. He was up in an instant, his arms around her waist to hold her up, being instinctively careful around her right side. 

“Ok, sit…” He guided her to the sofa and carefully helped the tall woman sit down before reclaiming his own seat beside her. Now that he got a good look at her he could see that her eyes were red and swollen with the tears that continued to run down her face, and her skin looked far too pale. He shifted awkwardly, not knowing what to do. 

“I don’t know when they’ll be back…” A distressed noise was ripped from the Director’s throat and he awkwardly patted at her left shoulder, not knowing what to do.

“Mr Rory, I believe that the Director would appreciate a hug.” Gideon prompted, her voice appearing softly from the quiet of the room where the only sound was Ava’s choking sobs. Mick grunted in reply and hesitantly put an arm around her, again being instinctively careful of her right side, his hand resting lightly on her side. He tensed slightly as Ava fell against him, her left hand covering her face as she cradled her right in her lap.

“I have contacted Captain Lance, they will return as soon as they possibly can.”

“Thanks Gideon.” He turned his head to look at Ava, cautiously lifting a hand and rubbing her scalp; his fingers slid through her soft hair and she sighed tearfully, taking a deep shuddering breath. 

“I’m sorry, Mick… I’ll go…” She moved to stand up but his arm tightened slightly around her waist, gently holding her in place.

“No, you’re staying here until Sara gets back.” Ava raised an eyebrow even as she wiped her eyes, hiccupping slightly as her sobs began to subside. She smiled weakly as he stared her down, nodding before settling back into his shoulder and closing her eyes, sniffling softly. Suddenly there was a soft chirping noise; Ava felt a weight land on Mick’s lap, shifting him slightly, before she felt Artemis’ head gently butting up against her wet cheek. 

“Oh baby girl, what am I going to do…” She leaned down to bury her face in her fur, sighing tearfully and wrapping her arm around her body, eyes still closed. The cat rubbed up against her, purring softly and her fingers scratch under her chin. 

“This little one has been keeping me company...”

 

Sara rushed to her office having rapidly washed and changed out of her muddy suit, anxiety coursing through her body. She didn’t have many details of what was wrong, Gideon had just informed her that Ava was upset and in a lot of pain, so she didn’t know what to expect. However she had definitely not anticipated seeing Ava asleep on the sofa in her office, her head in Mick’s lap and wrapped in a blanket decorated with her Canary symbol. Mick was sitting with one hand in Ava’s hair and the other softly stroking Artemis’ fur; the cat was also asleep, lying curled up on Ava’s lap. He turned his head lazily at the sound of someone approaching, only for his eyes to widen as he realised that it was Sara.

“Hey…” She whispered, surprise still evident on her face as she knelt in front of them, her eyes soft as she reached out and brushed her thumb over her girlfriend’s cheek. Ava mumbled softly and leaned into her touch but didn’t awaken even as Mick slowly extracted his hand from her hair, motioning for Sara to take his place.

“No, it’s ok…” She smiled at him; now that she had been reassured that Ava was alright she felt all the of the tension leave her body, and she sagged against the sofa, her hand coming up to replace Mick’s stroking through her hair. The man nodded and relaxed back against the sofa, letting out a deep breath. Artemis had opened her eyes at the movement but settled back down after chirping at Sara in greeting, making her chuckle. 

“She came through the portal crying, I didn’t know what to do…” Mick started to explain without prompting, his eyes meeting Sara’s briefly before he looked away. 

“Gideon told me to hug her. Then she tried to leave and I stopped her because I knew you’d be mad if she did, so we just… talked about it.” He sighed again, his newly freed hand coming up to rub over his face.

“She said it was like she’d been set on fire and I get that.” He paused again, waiting for his Captain to process the information. Her face had crumpled, her eyes wet with tears as she sat up on her knees to press a gentle kiss to her girlfriend’s temple.

“Gideon gave her painkillers and a mild sedative. She said she wanted a Sara blanket…” He huffed out a soft laugh and looked down at the Director’s sleeping form, a brief flash of something that looked to Sara like affection in his eyes. Sara reached up, being careful not to disturb Ava whilst not removing her hand from her hair, and pulled him into an awkward one armed hug. The man allowed it, flushing as she kissed his cheek. A few tears rolled down her cheeks as she pulled away from him and she wiped them away with the back of her hand.

“Thank you.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok folks, please be aware that this chapter is a bit different to the others... If you want to skip it you can, it's not critical to the plot and I've added a summary here for you:
> 
> Summary- Ava is depressed and experiencing suicidal ideation. Sara brings her back to the Waverider.
> 
> TW- panic attacks, anxiety, depression, suicidal ideation (drowning and roof jumping).
> 
> MASSIVE thanks to Witchgirl1234 for her constant support and encouragement with this fic. It means the world, and she deserves credit as providing me with a lot of my inspiration. Read her fics folks!

Days passed, and Sara still couldn’t bring herself to bring up what had happened. The fact that her girlfriend had gotten to the stage where she broke down over her pain terrified her; she didn’t know what to say or how to approach the situation. Ava was her rock, the strongest person she knew, and knowing that the inner turmoil she was experiencing was leading her down a dark path was more than she could bare. When Ava had woken up later that evening, they’d not said anything. The fear in the taller blonde’s eyes told her that if she did she might push Ava further into herself. Instead, given that Mick had slipped out from beside her, helping Sara to take his place she’d held her, she’d kissed her. Her hand cradling her cheek, her thumb caressing her cheek bone. A hope that all of the love and compassion she felt for her was being poured through the simple action. Sara’s fear of had been around pushing Ava away if she brought it up, but the tear stained and frantic face of Gary on the screen in front of her told her that she had made a huge mistake.

“Sara, she’s on the roof!”

 

Ava sat on the roof of the Bureau, her long legs dangling over the edge as her torso pressed up against the safety rail. Her arms were folded neatly on top of the rail, her chin on her forearm. She felt numb. Her eyes stared unseeingly into the distance, out over the city, and the sounds around her seeming far away as she sat there. However her mind raced as she grappled with everything that was going on, thoughts tumbling over each other in a nonsensical mess inside her head. Without her really being aware of it, tears began to spill down her cheeks.

“What is the point…” She whispered to herself, worrying her lip between her teeth. A tiny but vocal part of her was screaming at her to just end it here and now. _No more pain, no more struggling, no more being a burden on…_

“Sara…” She choked out her name, her throat constricting painfully as she shifted forwards, the shock of cold metal through her cotton shirt making her shiver as her blazer fell open. She didn’t even know how long she’d been sat there…

“AVA!” A cry that pierced through the fog of other sounds made her jump, although she didn’t turn towards its source. She couldn’t bear to look at her, to see the disappointment and shame on her girlfriend’s face. _I let everyone down, everything I touch I destroy…_

_“Ava, baby please come away from the edge!” The tremor in Sara’s voice went unnoticed and Ava did not move, instead continuing to stare ahead._

__

__

“Go away.” Her voice was hard, she was so tired... _I can’t take this anymore._

“Leave me alone.”

“You’re insane if you think I’m leaving you here, Sharpe! Get away from the edge!” Sara was shouting louder now, her voice an octave higher than normal given the situation.

“I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!” The scream was primal; she couldn’t ever remember making a noise like it before.

“I can’t even do what I was manufactured to Sara, what is the point of me?!” She sensed her girlfriend coming closer, hesitant in her movements as she sat down to her left, a small distance away.

“Why do you even care?! I’m a disappointment, Sara, a failure!”

“I’m with you because I love you, idiot!” She moved closer and Ava flinched away, hiding her face with her hair.

“I can’t do this anymore Sara… I’m so tired. I’m so tired…”

“Ava, please, I can’t lose you.” Sara wasn’t above begging in this circumstance; seeing her girlfriend so close to the ledge sent terror flooding through her veins. It was a kind of terror she hadn’t felt in a long time… They sat in silence for a moment, Sara’s breath coming in shallow gasps, before Ava finally lifted her head and turned to look her in the eyes. The sudden calm took her breath away; Ava’s blue eyes haunting in their coldness.

“Oh Sara… I would never do it like this.” She took a deep breath, turning back to look over the city.

“The idea of falling is terrifying. No, I’d dose myself with pills and just slip away in the bath… Drowning is so much less terrifying than falling.” The statement hung in the air between them, Sara paling with shock. She felt like all of the air had been squeezed from her lungs. Just as quickly as her calm had come, it was gone. Ava doubled over the rail, hysterical sobs tearing from her throat, her whole body shuddering in her sobs.

“Please… Please, Ava, come home…” Shifting back from the ledge slightly, Ava allowed Sara to wrap her arms around her waist and pull her away, pausing only to open a portal behind them back onto the Waverider.

 

Ava was compliant as Sara led her into the bathroom and carefully undressed her, stepping into the shower with her and holding her tight to her body. She was obedient even as Sara wrapped a towel around her and guided her back to the bed, sitting her down so that she could brush and dry her hair. Neither of them spoke until they were curled together in Sara’s large bed, their bodies pressed together and Ava’s head buried in Sara’s neck.

“Oh baby...” Sara sighed as she felt Ava’s body convulse in her arms, a fresh wave of tears streaming down her face and trickling down Sara’s neck. 

“I’ve got you, you’re safe baby... I’m here.” She could feel tears pressing behind her eyes and she pressed a tender kiss to Ava’s head, the hand holding the back of her head stroking soothingly over her hair.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry Sara!” Ava’s breath was becoming short and laboured, her chest shuddering against Sara’s stomach. 

“Ok.. Av… I’m going to sit you up ok?” Sara shifted so she could slide in behind her girlfriend, her hands never leaving her body as the panic gripped her.

“Shhh I’m here, breathe with me baby...” Pressed against Ava’s back with arms gently around her waist she counted their breaths while feeling her heart shattering in her chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter came from a really dark place, and is extremely personal to me. Although there's a slight exaggeration/artistic license taken (obviously) I have been through this and still do experience this. Unfortunately I didn't have a Sara to support me, and I didn't want to burden any of my friends with this problem. This was a while ago, and I'm not quite in this state anymore, but CRPS is known as 'the Suicide Disease'. It's the hard truth of it; people die from the condition every day. 
> 
> I'm trying not to make this fic too morbid, and I have other complicating conditions (possibly rheumatoid arthritis), but this is my reality, and that of numerous others. Writing this through Ava's perspective is actually quite therapeutic, and I really appreciate all of you who read, comment and leave kudos!


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say a huge thank you to everyone who commented on the last chapter. It means a lot to me and I will reply to them all. 
> 
> I’m sorry that it’s taken so long to put this chapter up, but after the last one I’ve been a bit drained and struggled to write. This is much lighter than the last one! 
> 
> You can find me on Tumblr as avasharpescanary where I’m more active if anyone wants to chat!
> 
> Hope you like it. Xx

When she finally came around, the first thing that Ava noticed was that she was cuddled impossibly close to Sara, someone who should hate her for the stunt she just pulled... She tried to pull back slightly, opening her mouth to apologise, to beat a hasty retreat, but soon realised that she wasn’t going anywhere as her girlfriend tangled her legs with hers. She had somehow turned to face away from her girlfriend so couldn’t see her face, but her action betrayed the fact that she was wide awake.

“I’m sorry...” Ava’s voice was croaky and hoarse with crying, her eyes filling with tears again as pain stabbed through her chest. She’d ruined her relationship with Sara forever...

“You don’t need to apologise, jerk” Sara untangled herself from Ava’s body and sat up, gently pulling the taller woman up so that she was once again lying between her legs, before opening the bottle of water that sat on her bedside table.

“Drink baby, your throat must hurt...” Her voice was soothing as she offered Ava the bottle, though when she lifted her hand to take it she was shaking so badly that she couldn’t hold it.

“Ok, ok... Shhh, easy...” Sara crooned reassuring phrases into her ear as she opened the top drawer in the cabinet and retrieved a straw. Who keeps straws in their drawer...? The Captain easily slid a straw into the bottle and offered the drink to her again, ensuring that she kept the bottle steady as Ava took a few small sips.

“There.. My hangover stash is proving its usefulness once again.” Ah. Sara’s voice was light, although she could sense the anxiety that she was feeling; her heart was pounding under her head. Ava swallowed, the water helping a little with her painful throat, and twisted her head slightly to look up at Sara’s face. She was pale and had clearly been crying, but the love and empathy that she saw reflected back at her through those ocean blue eyes was enough to release the tears that had been threatening to fall.

“I’m sorry...” These were quiet tears, unlike the body-wracking sobs that had torn through her earlier that day. They slid silently down her cheeks, before Sara gently kissed them away.

“Shhh... No more tears baby, I’m here. I love you.” She took a deep breath, resting her head against Ava’s and briefly closing her eyes.

“We need to talk about this Av, but not right now... Unless you want to? I’m not going to push you to talk right after...” She trailed off, clearly unsure of what to say, and Ava had never loved her more.

“I just want you to know that I love you. God Ava I love you so much it hurts, and I want to help... Please, promise me you’ll help me to help you, whatever it takes?” There was a pause as Ava sniffed, and she could feel Sara holding her breath. How could she have ever hated this beautiful woman? Unable to speak she simply nodded, taking Sara’s hand in hers and holding onto it tightly. She felt Sara smile, a soft kiss being pressed against her hair.

“I love you, jerk.” They lapsed into silence, Ava still clinging to Sara’s hand as if she were scared that she was going to disappear, and remained there for a long while; they each allowed themselves to be comforted by the sensation of the other’s breathing.

“I love you too… Jerk.”

 

“Sara?” The soft voice from the chair in the corner of the room had had her looking up from her research, stretched out from her position lying on her stomach. The pair had untangled themselves, but neither were willing to let the other out of their sight.

“Yeah baby?” Ava was curled up, cuddling into her Canary blanket, and the sight made Sara’s heart squeeze with love. However Ava looked smaller and more vulnerable than she’d seen her since 2213. Sitting up fully, she crossed her legs and smiled reassuringly at her.

“I think I need help...” It barely more than a whisper but her jaw set determinedly as she said it, despite the slight tremble in her voice.

“I think you’re right.” Sara nodded, smiling again as Ava seemed to relax a little.

“That was a big thing to admit, I’m proud of you.”

 

Ava spent all of her time recovering after the incident on the Waverider, the majority of the time attached to Sara’s hip as both of them experiencing anxiety whenever they were out of each other’s sight. Sara had Gary push all of Ava’s meetings for two weeks, and all paperwork was sent through to the ship so that she could complete it as and when she felt able to. She had been adamant about remaining productive, despite the fact that she was physically and emotionally drained by therapy.

Her sessions had been swiftly organised by Gary and the Bureau’s medical team once she had requested them, and Sara had been only too willing to accompany her; holding her hand tightly as she cried and raged. She hoped that her touch conveyed how much she loved her, how proud she was of her… She also remained a constant and silent companion in the evenings after the sessions when Ava lay in her arms, her body limp with the exhaustion and her arm wrapped in her Canary blanket. Sara had noticed that the blanket had become a daily fixture in her girlfriend’s life; she could often be found cuddling into the soft fabric.

“Gary, what are you wearing…” Ava sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. He came on board every few days to brief her on what was happening at the Bureau, as well as to generally catch up with how her recovery was going. She had been sat in the library when he arrived, curled in her favourite chair with a cup of coffee and a book while the Legends completed a small scale mission. She’d had a particularly hard session that morning, made worse by Sara having to leave as soon as the session had finished, and just wanted to relax. Christmas Eve was not a good time for such intensity.

“It’s my Beebo Christmas Jumper!” The man beamed at her before holding out an identical jumper that was evidently in her size.

“It’s not your real present, I’ll bring that tomorrow, but I thought everyone needs a Christmas jumper, right?! Do you like it?!” He was so enthusiastic in his delivery of the jumper that he practically threw it at her, the deceptively soft fabric landing on her lap. She couldn’t help the small smile that graced her features as she took in the truly hideous pattern; Beebo in a Santa suit- minus the beard, thank god- on a background of candy canes.

“I… Love it. Thank you, Gary.” Making a split second decision she stood from her chair and embraced him gently before pointing him towards the sofa.

“Sit. I’ll be right back.”

 

“Babe we’re… What the hell is that?!” Sara exclaimed as she entered the library, stopping in the doorway as she saw Ava and Gary sat together on the sofa, her legs casually thrown over his lap as they watched a movie.

“Wow, rude much? _That_ is Gary!” Ava laughed softly and the man huffed, folding his arms on top of Ava’s calves, although he still maintained his bright smile.

“It’s our holiday tradition! We always watch movies on Christmas Eve; the last two years it’s been _Married By Christmas_!” He exclaimed excitedly, clearly trying very hard not to bounce in his seat and jostle Ava.

“I meant the… Ok then.” Sara’s gaze never left Ava; she looked considerably more comfortable and relaxed than she had when the team had left on the mission which was a relief. Gary stood from his position after carefully moving Ava’s legs off his lap and crossed to her, grabbing her by the hand and pulling them over to take his empty seat. Despite her confusion over the scene in front of her she let herself be led, settling into the sofa and automatically resting her hand on Ava’s leg. Ava curled into her without even looking away from the screen, lying out over her lap.

“We used to live together… Christmas movies, hot chocolate and Christmas Eve presents.” She smiled at the memories as she explained, settling herself more comfortably to watch the movie. Gary had curled up in the chair at her head, a bag in his lap as he fiddled with the string handles.

“I brought you a Christmas Eve present too, Captain Lance.” He smiled nervously, reaching out and placing the bag on Ava’s lap. Sara’s shock was obvious and Ava gently nudged it towards her, turning her head with a bright smile on her face. Her eyes were amused as Sara reached in, gingerly pulling out a matching Beebo jumper and she pulled her in for a gentle kiss.

“Welcome to the Christmas Eve Club, Sara.”


End file.
